El Jimador Mexican Restaurant

Note: this review (do these things even count as actual reviews?) is in no way stating that El Jimador is a bad restaurant at all.  It totally rocks and the food is great and so is the service.  Except it made me shit blood.  Or at least, the nachos did.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you about El Jimador Mexican Restaurant’s nachos.  They made me shit blood!

Well, there were two kinds of nachos there and these weren't the ones that made me shit blood. They were just kinda boring.

On the menu there’s a big, hot plate of soft nachos with melty white nacho cheese all smothering everything.  It’s so delicious that I’m not even going to post a picture just so I can hog every last bit of it to myself (actually I just couldn’t find a pic on the internets).  Let’s take a look at the menu on their website to show you those nachos:

Well... that's a nice website. OH GOD PLEASE KILL ME NOW

I have to admit, for a place with such great food, they don’t seem to be trying to appeal to the internet world much here.  I feel the sudden strange urge to actually use a frowny face.

):

)':

Anyway, so here’s the link to their “full Menu”, which I’ll warn you may make you go D':

On there somewhere is the nachos that I was talking about, which also, coincidentally, made me shit a lot of blood.  My hunch is that it was because of the cheese.  When the plate arrived it looked like the waiter was actually struggling to carry it, which (while I had no idea why he was struggling so much) I knew wasn’t a good sign.  When I picked up a nacho and saw that the pile of cheese on it was like a mile thick, however, I figured out why.  They had poured a shit-load (no pun intended) of cheese on that plate, and it was just too much for the waiter to handle.  My stomach too, apparently.

I’m not saying it wasn’t good.  The stuff itself was a cheese enthusiast’s dream, but the hours spent on the toilet afterward was not so good.  There was also so frigging much that it would probably be almost impossible to finish for a sumo wrestler, let alone Mr. Weaky Tummy over here.  Maybe if you don’t try to not look rude and make people think you hated their food and only eat a chip or two the blood-shitting won’t happen, I don’t know.  But the point is, lots and lots of unidentified cheese = shit blood.

Because of the heavy-loadin’, I’d give it about…

2 OUT OF 5 PINTS OF BLOOD

Nothing against the chips, they’re about as fine and normal as you can get it.  But the cheesy addition is a different story.